


100 Floors Of Fright

by casstayinmyass



Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Based On An SNL Skit, David S. Pumpkins, Halloween, Honeymoon, Humor, Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-30
Updated: 2017-01-30
Packaged: 2018-09-20 20:59:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,314
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9515669
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/casstayinmyass/pseuds/casstayinmyass
Summary: He's Alexander Hamilton! Any questions?ORAaron and Theodosia spend the evening at a carnival for some Halloween fun. What they don't know when they ride the elevator attraction is what terror awaits them inside...





	

**Author's Note:**

> If you haven't seen the Tom Hanks SNL skit where he's dressed in a pumpkin suit, please do. You have not lived if you don't know what I'm talking about.

The newlywed couple approached the doors of an open, made-to-look rusted elevator. They had just entered the creepy elevator ride.

"I'm nervous," Theodosia giggled, "Don't laugh at me if I scream, okay babe?"

Aaron put an arm around his girlfriend. "It's called 100 Floors Of Frights, Theo, the scariest ride at Fright Nights- I'll probably be screaming too."

"Yo yo yo, good evening," a young man with curly hair and freckles greeted them, dressed as a bellhop, "I'm your elevator operator," he tapped his nametag, "John. Be sure to hold on... 'cause this ride goes _bump_ in the night!" Aaron and Theodosia grinned at each other, and John began to crank the lever, lifting the elevator up.

"Oh, I'm scared, I'm scared," Theo murmured, burying her face in Aaron's shoulder, and he rubbed her shoulder, pausing after a second to tease.

"Wait for it, wait for it..."

"Floor 21! The... honeymurder suite." The doors clanged open, and a sultry woman with a red gown sauntered forward, hands covered in blood the same shade as her dress.

"Miss Maria Reynolds had nowhere to run, so she turned to her husband and _had some fun!_ " She raised a sharp knife, and lights flashes as she laughed maniacally. Aaron and Theodosia grasped each other, both shaken.

"You totally jumped," Theo laughed.

"I did," Aaron admitted, "That was pretty spooky."

"Floor 76!" John announced, "Home of our five _scar_ French restaurant- they even serve Sam Adams!" he paused, flashing a dark grin, "The guy, not the drink." The doors dinged, revealing a man with his hair tied back, in a waiter's suit.

"Bonsoir, madam et monsieur," he said in a thick accent, "I am Gilbert Lafayette, and I will be your server. The special today is..." he took the lid off the tray he was holding, " _Your head_!" Aaron's eyes widened.

"That was really my head!" he hissed as the doors closed to the sound of the frenchman laughing.

"Wow, is that why they take your picture when you enter the park?" Theo asked excitedly.

"I ain't tellin'," John smirked, and cranked the lever. "Floor 54!"

The doors finally opened on this one, and there, standing in a strange 1700s costume, was a man with a goatee and a ponytail. Beside him stood two female, brightly-coloured skeletons with their arms crossed and their backs to the guy.

"I'm Alexander Hamilton," the guy grinned, "And there's a million things I haven't done, but one of them is gonna be scaring the _hell_ out of _you_." With that, the skeleton on the left with the pink bones began to dance to some disembodied music. The music cracked like a whip, and the one on the right with the blue bones began the same dance. After the last whip sound, Alexander began to dance as well, shooting his fingers back and forth at Burr with a cheesy smile.

"Any questions?"

The door closed, and John wiggled his eyebrows, turning back to the couple.

"So... scared speechless?"

Aaron looked at Theodosia, who was just as confused as he was. "Um... well, no, actually, I'm just... kind of trying to wrap my head around... Alexander Hamilton? I mean... are we supposed to know who that is?"

"Is he a local thing, or...?" Theo mused, shrugging at her boyfriend and then the bellhop.

"He's the ten dollar founding father!" John protested.

"Well yeah, but this isn't a historical thing, is it?" Aaron frowned, "It's a horror thing. Who's even playing him?!"

"My boyfriend," John bit back, fire in his eyes, and Aaron drew back a little, raising his hands.

"I just don't get it."

"You don't _get_ frights, man," John shook his head, "You _fear_ them! _Floor 29-_ the ballroom!" The door opened, and two men, one tall with wild curls, and one short with subdued hair, stood there, doing a waltz. The tall one began to speak.

"Tommy J came back from France... his poor friend James never stood a chance!" Erupting into frightening laughter, the tall man threw a rope around the shorter one's neck, the two putting on a show of strangling and screaming. The doors closed, and Aaron nodded.

"Okay yes, I can see why that one was scary- creepy poem, creepy guy trying to kill his boyfriend, sure... but Alexander Hamilton? I just can't wrap my head around..."

"Dude, the scariest thing to the mind," John told him, wiggling his fingers, "Is the unknown! FLOOR 68!" The elevator dinged, and the doors opened on-

"I'm Alexander Hamilton!"

"Yeah, I know, but like... _who_ are you?!" Aaron asked.

"My name is Alexander Hamilton!" the man repeated, "And there's-"

"A million things you haven't done, right, like telling us why you're scary," Theodosia rolled her eyes.

"What are you, even?" Aaron asked.

"A bastard, orphan, son of a whore!"

Aaron and Theo stared blankly, puzzled. "And the skeletons are...?"

"The Schuyler Sisters!" the two ladies sang, and the pink boned one trilled: "Angelica!" while the other sang, "Eliza!"

"And Peggy!" another skeleton with yellow bones popped out from the side, but she was shoved away.

"And we're gonna scare the _hell_ out of _you_!" Alexander grinned, and began to dance to the same tune from before. The sisters danced as well, and every time the whip in the song sounded this time, Alexander would make a spanking motion behind one of them. The riff ended, and Alex crossed his arms. "What's ma name, man?!"

"Alexander Hamilton!" the sister skeletons shrieked, and Alexander pointed finger guns at Burr.

"Any questions?!"

The doors slammed shut, and Aaron rubbed his temples, a headache developing. "Yes! Yes, I have lots of damn questions, I am so in the weeds with Alexander Hamilton!"

"Shhh, don't let Hamilton ruin your night, babe," Theo whispered, stroking his arm, and Aaron shook his head.

"So weird."

"Hey, show some respect," John reprimanded the two, "That guy founded the national banking system." Aaron threw up his arms in utter bewilderment- why was a founding father even on a Halloween ride?! Theodosia patted his thigh to calm him. " _FLOOR 99_!" John called, pounding the door-open button, "The rubber room!" There stood a nice, normal chainsaw-wielding maniac. The buff man was wearing a straight jacket and had a blue bandana tied around his forehead.

"AAAAH!! I'M HERCULES MULLIGAN, I NEED NO INTRODUCTION- I MURDERED MY WHOLE FAMILY, I'M TOO CRAZY TO FUNCTION!!" he shouted, buzzing the saw, "CRAZY, THAT IS....for _Alexander Hamilton_!" Suddenly, Hercules started to dance the Ham dance, head-bopping and buzzing his chainsaw along to the beat as Alexander and his two beat-girl skeletons danced by. The doors swiftly closed.  

" _Why_?!" Aaron groaned.

"How much Alexander Hamilton is in this?" Theodosia deadpanned.

John hesitated, calculating. "Like... 76 out of 100 floors."

"Why did you go all out on Hamilton?!" Aaron sobbed, the small man's awful grin still haunting his consciousness.

"Hey, it's 100 floors of this shit, they can't all be winners," John mumbled, and cranked up, screaming, " _FLOOR 100!_ "

Aaron and Theo geared up, and opened one eye each as the doors dinged. There was no Alexander Hamilton in sight... only Angelica and Eliza, back to back.

"Alright, so it's just the Schuyler Skeletons now?" Aaron asked, beyond agitated. John shrugged, leaning back against the wall. Eliza began to dance, and after the music stopped and the whip sounded for her, she struck a pose and rested an elbow on Angelica's shoulder.

"Angelica, remind me who we're looking for?"

Angelica then imitated the dance, pop and locking, doing the river dance, and striking a pose. "Eliza, we're looking for- _Alexander Hamilton!"_ they both said the last part together, as Aaron and Theodosia looked on in disbelief. What they didn't see was Hamilton's head poke between them from behind, _inside_ the elevator.

"ANY QUESTIONS?!" Alex shouted, and the couple bounced out of their seats as the souvenir picture flashed.

**Author's Note:**

> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xDwVPWuZ7HQ


End file.
